Goodbye 2012

Every New Year’s is the same for me and probably a lot of others…hoping for a better new year.  Every year I do the usual of cooking pork and sauerkraut and mashed potatoes and ring in a toast with my hubby thinking positive thoughts of the following year. He usually has to work I don’t.  This year we are going out on our first date since our anniversary in October.   Ialways think the year will be better than the last, but for the last 10 years or so as an “adult” they haven’t been.  No matter what I think, how postiive the thoughts a lot of trials, tribulations and tests of faith from God is involved.

This year 2012 was no different.  The first half of the year wasn’t so bad. No huge Snowmaggedon like 2010. My mom-in-law did end up in the hospital in May I believe.  We put in a garden and then July hit.  My dad got in some trouble for doing something wrong and things seemed to go downhill fast from there.  After not getting over what happened with my dad for a good while including an 11:30 trip to a police station, lots of phone calls, court, etc…. My mom-in-law ended up back into the hospital a couple of times over this past year also ( I believe a total of 3 or more).  My husband’s car blew up (head gasket, too much to fix) and I realized quickly we needed to save for a newer car.  My Cavalier, that is 16 years old, would become his car (though he calls it mine) and getting my mom-in-law out to the store would meet new challenges with hubby using the Cavalier.  I almost had to give it up.  The brake lines were shot, the tie rod was done and the frame is starting to rust from the salt they put on the roads. I went to the mechanic and crawled underneath to look at the frame.  Surface rust.  I told my husband we could junk it, but instead he offered his dad’s truck up for money and the money for his car, we got the Cavalier back in running order to pass inspection.  We went from five vehicles to 3.  My truck I cant take everywhere.  we had to replace a belt on it also.  It is 15 years old.

In September my dad got pulled over for expired tags and got a ticket.  My mom fought it and sent it to court.  They did dismiss it, but thinking what would happen was always on my mind.  My mom has been sick for a couple of years going from doctor to doctor and no one can figure anything out.  It upsets me to no end that there is nothing I can do but sit back and watch.

After that there is the thoughts of kerosene for heating (we have hardly any), wood, getting ready for winter, etc.  Now the belt on my truck is starting to fray from I am thinking a pulley.  My Kia is going to need tires on it.  My hubby and I travel to work together when we work the same days and we switch between my newer car and my Cavalier.  My parents have no money and I wish I could help them.  Another year has came and gone without a raise at my work even though I haven taken on more responsibilities.  I have worked there for 3 1/2 years with one raise.

My mom-in-law’s dog had to be put down.  He was like my own dog.  I cried and cried.

Our garden was good and saved us a lot of money.  My cousin in Kansas blocked me and defriended me, but I don’t really care.  I know who truely cares about us and apparently it isn’t any blood relative on my side of the family less my parents.

I found a whole host of things that we need to do and get and no money to get them.  We need a front storm door, a shed, to pave our driveway, hoses for the pool, a gas tank for the tiller, starter for our lawnmower, do I need to go on?

I worked on crafts for months to work to grow a pair to do a craft show.  My mom said “you wont know until you try”, so I spent $60 admission and did it and didnt make hardly anything.  Lots of compliments, no money.   I ended up flipping out and almost having a nervous breakdown asking my husband “why, why do I try.  I dont feel it is appreciated.  I dont see rewards.  I dont see money.  I am tired, I am sooo so physically and emotionally tired”.

Christmas was hard.  I busted my butt on Ebay and turned in my survey, MyPoints, and Swagbucks for money for Christmas.  My parents got small gifts, but were thankful.  Husband too.  I realized quickly this year with the struggling we have been doing that I need to save more and more.  I wonder how this will be possible in the new year with the looming tax increase? What if I dont get a raise? What will we do? Sometimes I feel so tired, I ask God why? for help? I know he is there, but it is hard.

I am going to spend this year focusing on the things we need, preparing for the worst by learning to can veggies to help us save in the winter, not preparing for WWIII. Learning how to eat better.  Learning how to make more things at home.  I am going to focus more on Ebay, the little things in life and enjoy what I have.  I unfortunately am not going to have much hope for 2013…..

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